Clive James: ‘This carcinoma was starting to look like the alien that erupts from John Hurt’s chest’

When we were kids in quest of a tan, we would lie around forever being cooked by ultra-violet rays, and the results show up around now in the form of skin cancers

At 4.30 in the morning, I woke with a tongue bigger than my mouth. I couldn’t swallow anything, not even water. But I could breathe, and the last time something like this happened, it went away by itself. So, although I felt as if I were swallowing a pillow, I decided not to bother anybody until a decent hour.

By 7.30, it felt as if I were swallowing two pillows and a duvet, so I phoned my daughter, who lives next door. “Dough neeb do banigh,” I explained, “bud I migh neeb do go do hothbidal.” She helped me pack a shoulder-bag in case I needed to stay in.

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