health and fitness: My husband lost his job 10 years ago and is depressed, but does nothing to help around the house

vendredi 25 septembre 2015

My husband lost his job 10 years ago and is depressed, but does nothing to help around the house

I work long hours hours in a demanding job then come home to the second shift. How could the situation improve?

I am a professional woman, with a doctoral degree, earning a very good living in a high-profile and demanding job. I have been married for almost 20 years. My husband lost his job about a decade ago (when we moved to advance my career) and has not worked since. He is being treated for depression, but remains fragile. I work long hours and come home to the second shift: unwashed dishes, dusty floors, general clutter, unfed pets. When I gently and cautiously raise this with him, he lashes out: my standards are too high; the pets are mine and thus no business of his, etc. I don’t argue with him and try to avoid confrontation. I feel a sense of responsibility for him and I also feel compassion for his unhappiness. I try to always treat him with love and respect, never commenting on his lack of economic activity, how he spends his time (on the computer), or criticising his choices. But can this situation improve and, if it can, how would I initiate a change?

• When leaving a message on this page, please be sensitive to the fact that you are responding to a real person in the grip of a real-life dilemma, who wrote to Private Lives asking for help, and may well view your comments here. Please consider especially how your words or the tone of your message could be perceived by someone in this situation, and be aware that comments that appear to be disruptive or disrespectful to the individual concerned will be removed.