Ask Alanis Morissette: should I protect my son from my husband?

There are times when your son’s wellbeing is more important than a united front

I am 40, my husband is 20 years older, and we have a four-year-old son. Our parenting methods are very different: my husband reprehends our son and puts him down, and I have to protect him. I want my son to love his dad instead of fearing him or feeling resentful, and to grow up confident and emotionally strong. What can I do?
It sounds as if your disparate styles of parenting are threatening your bond with your husband. While the advice would usually be to make sure both parents are united in their parenting approach (and certainly this is the ideal), there are times when it might be best to temporarily prioritise your son’s wellbeing while working to establish a united front with your husband.

Too often people reprimand their child and send the message that the child’s natural impulses are innately “bad”, rather than focusing on the behaviour not working in a given context. If you haven’t already, this would be an important discussion to have with your husband, perhaps with a therapist if it can’t be done alone. Many of my husband’s and my couples therapy sessions focus on how we are as parents. Not surprisingly, how we parent our children often mirrors how we interact with our spouse and the world around.

Continue reading...











from Health & wellbeing | The Guardian http://ift.tt/1Qy1aKP
via health