health and fitness: Ask Molly Ringwald: if I settle down, will I be missing out?

vendredi 31 juillet 2015

Ask Molly Ringwald: if I settle down, will I be missing out?

‘I find myself wondering what it might be like to date and get to know a completely new person. I don’t want to leave my partner, but…’

I am a gay man in the third year of a relationship with an older man; the age difference is just under a decade. We hooked up shortly before I moved away to university, and he’s been really supportive when I’ve needed help through mental illness, and does not bat an eyelid that I can’t contribute as much to the relationship financially as he can. But I feel I’m missing out by being in a committed relationship at such a young age, with somebody at a different stage of life, who will want to settle down as soon as I leave university. I find myself wondering what it might be like to date and get to know a completely new person. I don’t want to leave him, but I feel I could drift into a stage of life I’m not ready for.

There are pros and cons to a committed monogamous relationship, and there’s nothing wrong with wanting to explore a bit before settling down. It sounds as if your partner is a caring, nurturing person, so I think you owe him your honesty. You may find that he’s happy with some kind of open relationship, and this might be an option if it’s OK with both of you. Of course, there’s the risk that you might lose him if he’s looking for something more conventional, but I think it’s far better to discuss your needs and desires openly now than to choose the lying, cheating and going-down-in-flames option that invariably accompanies illicit affairs.