health and fitness: Does my friend steal other women’s men because she was raped?

vendredi 31 juillet 2015

Does my friend steal other women’s men because she was raped?

She tried to seduce someone I liked. Despite everything, I want to help her but don’t know how. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader

I have a friend at university who is notorious for being a “man-stealer”. She is very manipulative and inappropriately flirtatious and most of the women I know dislike her because of this. I am patient with her because I am aware of her history. As a teenager, she was raped by several men at a party, and obviously this has had a profound effect. When she makes a beeline for someone I have said I am interested in, I know this is her way of feeling powerful and in control, something she must have lost when she was assaulted.

While I understand the reasons for her power play, I can tolerate it for only so long. I have adopted strategies to avoid getting hurt, such as not telling her when I am interested in a person, or not inviting her to events where that person might be, but this makes me uncomfortable. I know it is not a proper solution and if she realises I am being secretive it will only increase her insecurity and worsen her behaviour.