health and fitness: We argue constantly – should we split up?

samedi 8 août 2015

We argue constantly – should we split up? | Mariella Frostrup

A woman wonders whether, after all the bickering, she and her partner should end their relationship. Mariella Frostrup says she should consider the positives first…

If you have a dilemma, send a brief email to mariella.frostrup@observer.co.uk

The dilemma When my partner and I got together I became pregnant fairly quickly. I was in my late 30s and we wanted a child, so we went ahead, even though the relationship was far from enjoyable. He seemed shut down and unable to connect in any emotional way and we have been locked in constant banal arguments about trivial matters day to day, like sibling rivalry. Every time we try to end the relationship, we seem unable to carry it out. I think this is due to us having grown up in broken homes and desperately wanting to avoid this for our daughter, or maybe there is actual love there underneath all the conflict and drama that hasn’t blossomed yet. I’m worn out, but can’t seem to move on and improve things.

Mariella replies Leaving is certainly an option. First though, let’s look on the bright side. You met a man just in time to have the child you wanted. That’s already something to be grateful for. He was prepared to become a father and embark on a future with you – another reason to count your blessings. And here you are, with a healthy daughter and still together, even if you’re bickering like dysfunctional children.